I've grown up being taught that it is wrong to gossip about others and so have most of the people I have associated with throughout my life. We have learned mostly in a religious setting such as Sunday School or General Conference. Heck, we even have posters about it sent to us in magazines when we are teens:
On LDS.org (my church's official website) it states this about gossip:
"People often use the fact that the information is true to excuse the fact that they are talking about someone. Knowing that something is true does not make it right to spread the tale. A lot of hurt can come from talking about others. If the thing would be better left unsaid, then don’t say it.
Many people think gossip is the spreading of falsehoods or rumors. Of course, that kind of behavior is absolutely wrong, no question about it. But gossip also involves telling people personal things about another when it really is none of their business. Whether the information is true or not is not the issue. If telling others will do harm, cause embarrassment, or give faulty perceptions, then you have an obligation to stop the gossip by not spreading it to others.
It is especially important to keep confidences when someone asks you to. Often people need to talk about their problems or about someone who is causing them to worry. They may even ask you to keep it private. If you agree, then you should keep your word."
I remember the first time I accidentally overheard gossip about myself. I had my baby monitor on as my newborn was asleep and I was trying to grab a quick shower while I had the chance. Suddenly, I heard someone talking and it was about me. I didn't grasp what was going on at first, but then I realized their phone conversation was being picked up on my baby monitor. Back then, monitors were fairly new and there was only one other channel to change to, so I changed it, but not before I heard some things I was saddened to hear. I had no idea this person was thinking those things about me, and to top it off, I was already feeling overwhelmed with having a new baby, so I felt further isolated. It was the one time I was fighting postpartum depression and it was painful to hear. It broke my heart and changed my perceptions of that person forever, as I never knew that side of them and I realized my trust in them had been misplaced.
Interestingly, I have found that people tend to feel justified in talking badly about others, particularly if they believe the person they are talking about is doing something that they think is not right. The problem is, most of the time when a person is gossiping, they have no idea what is really going on with the person they are gossiping about. In fact, it is likely they haven't even talked directly to the person, they are just jumping to conclusions based on what they have heard from others.
I have also noticed that men handle people who gossip about them differently than women. Depending on the extent of the gossip, or in other words, the damage that has been done and continues to be done, men will seek to completely end the relationship emotionally and will completely shut themselves down to that person. I've noticed they have a much better ability to let go of people (even family) and move ahead with their lives without them. Women don't seem to be able to do this as easily so they tend to give them chances over and over again and get hurt over and over again. I think it is the one time in my life I feel it would be nice to be like a man and be able to let go of people who are intentionally choosing to hurt you by the things they choose to say about you, even if they are true.
It is a fact that gossip can be so damaging it can change one's life forever or even lead one to thoughts of ending their lives. It destroys the person's ability to trust when they are the one being talked about to others. It also can create a desire to not tell others things that otherwise they would share because they know that the information would only be used to further hurt or embarrass them.
The reality is gossip leaves a very ugly, painful trail and it can never be undone. It is something that spreads through each person that repeats it and eventually it makes it way back to the person being talked about. I have watched it happen to people I know and have seen it change them permanently. I have found it interesting that being a part of the religious culture I am, it is almost seen as a right to discuss other people's personal lives because they claim they are only trying to "help". In church we talk often of the 99 and the one and how important it is to go after the one. My experience, however, is that people find it much more interesting to talk about the one, rather than praying for them or reaching out with love, thus ensuring that they never have a desire to be a part of the 99 again.
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