I've always tried to be a good listener and have had people come to me to share their burdens on many different occasions. I like being on the end as the listener, not the one who is sharing burdens. I have been significantly humbled in many ways throughout the past few years and it has put me in a position of being the "burdensome" one. Today, I had an experience where I shared some of the burdens I have been carrying for a long time with people that were loving and compassionate. They were the listening ear that I needed, even though I do feel some of my burdens have now become theirs and that is not something I want for them. I have always wanted to be a person that lifts the burdens of others, not add more to theirs. It is not a desirable place to be, but this is where I find myself.
I've heard that God can make a disaster turn to our good if we allow Him to do so. I am hoping that this will be the case for me. I have had a deep struggle with trusting others and God lately and it is taking all that I have to trust at all. I stepped outside my comfort zone today in speaking of my struggles and I want to express my gratitude to the Lord for sending friends who were willing to listen and help me. A listening ear can make all the difference in someone's life. I hope and pray that the Lord can make something useful of me yet.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
A Forgiving Heart
Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. It heals us, allowing us to be free of anger, hate, bitterness and pain. Sometimes we don't realize negative feelings exist within us. We may have buried them deep inside of us because we are taught not to feel that way towards another person, especially if they are someone we love. These type of negative feelings can be brought to the surface when something from our past triggers them. Several years ago, I had an experience that brought up some very negative feelings within me. I was taken by complete surprise and it overwhelmed me because I'm not an overly emotional person and I don't enjoy feeling that way. My first reaction was to drop to my knees for help and what proceeded to happen was nothing short of a miracle.
As I sought God's help in dealing with my negative feelings, I experienced the ability to instantly forgive someone that had deeply hurt me. I realized that it took many years to get to the point where I could experience all those negative feelings and finally deal with them. As I did, I had to make a choice. Rather than becoming bitter, I chose to ask God to help me forgive and He answered my prayer by granting me a forgiving heart. I knew I had to desire it though, more than I wanted that person to pay for what they had done. It healed me and a great burden was taken from me, one I hadn't even realized I had carried for so long.
We all make mistakes and we all need forgiveness. We want to be forgiven for the things we have done that have hurt others, but we don't always want to grant forgiveness to others for hurting us. The most important thing I have learned about forgiveness is we cannot ask for forgiveness if our hearts aren't willing to forgive others. It doesn't mean forgiveness has to be immediate, only that we are willing and working towards it. To me, a forgiving heart means we not only seek forgiveness, but we grant it as well. I am deeply grateful for this learning experience and I hope to always remember the importance of seeking a forgiving heart.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Beautiful People
You know who they are, they are the people who look you in the eye, smile at you and say hello. They notice you and acknowledge your presence. They respond to you when you talk to them or write. They express genuine concern and love in their interactions with you. They are the beautiful people on this earth.
I want to thank all the beautiful people that are a part of my life. You make my life worth living and I am deeply grateful to know each of you. There is no way you can't know who you are either because I'm sure other people are telling you how wonderful you are too! ;)
I want to especially express gratitude to my Heavenly Father and thank Him for sending beautiful people into my life. I can never repay Him for all that He has given me, but I will continue to try to be the person He would have me be and I will work hard to be a beautiful person in the lives of others as well.
I want to thank all the beautiful people that are a part of my life. You make my life worth living and I am deeply grateful to know each of you. There is no way you can't know who you are either because I'm sure other people are telling you how wonderful you are too! ;)
I want to especially express gratitude to my Heavenly Father and thank Him for sending beautiful people into my life. I can never repay Him for all that He has given me, but I will continue to try to be the person He would have me be and I will work hard to be a beautiful person in the lives of others as well.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Gossip Girls
It's not that fun to find out people you love and care about are gossiping about you. Gossip is defined as "idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. It is one of the oldest and most common means of sharing facts and views, but also has a reputation for the introduction of errors and variations into the information transmitted."
I've grown up being taught that it is wrong to gossip about others and so have most of the people I have associated with throughout my life. We have learned mostly in a religious setting such as Sunday School or General Conference. Heck, we even have posters about it sent to us in magazines when we are teens:
On LDS.org (my church's official website) it states this about gossip:
"People often use the fact that the information is true to excuse the fact that they are talking about someone. Knowing that something is true does not make it right to spread the tale. A lot of hurt can come from talking about others. If the thing would be better left unsaid, then don’t say it.
Many people think gossip is the spreading of falsehoods or rumors. Of course, that kind of behavior is absolutely wrong, no question about it. But gossip also involves telling people personal things about another when it really is none of their business. Whether the information is true or not is not the issue. If telling others will do harm, cause embarrassment, or give faulty perceptions, then you have an obligation to stop the gossip by not spreading it to others.
It is especially important to keep confidences when someone asks you to. Often people need to talk about their problems or about someone who is causing them to worry. They may even ask you to keep it private. If you agree, then you should keep your word."
I remember the first time I accidentally overheard gossip about myself. I had my baby monitor on as my newborn was asleep and I was trying to grab a quick shower while I had the chance. Suddenly, I heard someone talking and it was about me. I didn't grasp what was going on at first, but then I realized their phone conversation was being picked up on my baby monitor. Back then, monitors were fairly new and there was only one other channel to change to, so I changed it, but not before I heard some things I was saddened to hear. I had no idea this person was thinking those things about me, and to top it off, I was already feeling overwhelmed with having a new baby, so I felt further isolated. It was the one time I was fighting postpartum depression and it was painful to hear. It broke my heart and changed my perceptions of that person forever, as I never knew that side of them and I realized my trust in them had been misplaced.
Interestingly, I have found that people tend to feel justified in talking badly about others, particularly if they believe the person they are talking about is doing something that they think is not right. The problem is, most of the time when a person is gossiping, they have no idea what is really going on with the person they are gossiping about. In fact, it is likely they haven't even talked directly to the person, they are just jumping to conclusions based on what they have heard from others.
I have also noticed that men handle people who gossip about them differently than women. Depending on the extent of the gossip, or in other words, the damage that has been done and continues to be done, men will seek to completely end the relationship emotionally and will completely shut themselves down to that person. I've noticed they have a much better ability to let go of people (even family) and move ahead with their lives without them. Women don't seem to be able to do this as easily so they tend to give them chances over and over again and get hurt over and over again. I think it is the one time in my life I feel it would be nice to be like a man and be able to let go of people who are intentionally choosing to hurt you by the things they choose to say about you, even if they are true.
It is a fact that gossip can be so damaging it can change one's life forever or even lead one to thoughts of ending their lives. It destroys the person's ability to trust when they are the one being talked about to others. It also can create a desire to not tell others things that otherwise they would share because they know that the information would only be used to further hurt or embarrass them.
The reality is gossip leaves a very ugly, painful trail and it can never be undone. It is something that spreads through each person that repeats it and eventually it makes it way back to the person being talked about. I have watched it happen to people I know and have seen it change them permanently. I have found it interesting that being a part of the religious culture I am, it is almost seen as a right to discuss other people's personal lives because they claim they are only trying to "help". In church we talk often of the 99 and the one and how important it is to go after the one. My experience, however, is that people find it much more interesting to talk about the one, rather than praying for them or reaching out with love, thus ensuring that they never have a desire to be a part of the 99 again.
I've grown up being taught that it is wrong to gossip about others and so have most of the people I have associated with throughout my life. We have learned mostly in a religious setting such as Sunday School or General Conference. Heck, we even have posters about it sent to us in magazines when we are teens:
On LDS.org (my church's official website) it states this about gossip:
"People often use the fact that the information is true to excuse the fact that they are talking about someone. Knowing that something is true does not make it right to spread the tale. A lot of hurt can come from talking about others. If the thing would be better left unsaid, then don’t say it.
Many people think gossip is the spreading of falsehoods or rumors. Of course, that kind of behavior is absolutely wrong, no question about it. But gossip also involves telling people personal things about another when it really is none of their business. Whether the information is true or not is not the issue. If telling others will do harm, cause embarrassment, or give faulty perceptions, then you have an obligation to stop the gossip by not spreading it to others.
It is especially important to keep confidences when someone asks you to. Often people need to talk about their problems or about someone who is causing them to worry. They may even ask you to keep it private. If you agree, then you should keep your word."
I remember the first time I accidentally overheard gossip about myself. I had my baby monitor on as my newborn was asleep and I was trying to grab a quick shower while I had the chance. Suddenly, I heard someone talking and it was about me. I didn't grasp what was going on at first, but then I realized their phone conversation was being picked up on my baby monitor. Back then, monitors were fairly new and there was only one other channel to change to, so I changed it, but not before I heard some things I was saddened to hear. I had no idea this person was thinking those things about me, and to top it off, I was already feeling overwhelmed with having a new baby, so I felt further isolated. It was the one time I was fighting postpartum depression and it was painful to hear. It broke my heart and changed my perceptions of that person forever, as I never knew that side of them and I realized my trust in them had been misplaced.
Interestingly, I have found that people tend to feel justified in talking badly about others, particularly if they believe the person they are talking about is doing something that they think is not right. The problem is, most of the time when a person is gossiping, they have no idea what is really going on with the person they are gossiping about. In fact, it is likely they haven't even talked directly to the person, they are just jumping to conclusions based on what they have heard from others.
I have also noticed that men handle people who gossip about them differently than women. Depending on the extent of the gossip, or in other words, the damage that has been done and continues to be done, men will seek to completely end the relationship emotionally and will completely shut themselves down to that person. I've noticed they have a much better ability to let go of people (even family) and move ahead with their lives without them. Women don't seem to be able to do this as easily so they tend to give them chances over and over again and get hurt over and over again. I think it is the one time in my life I feel it would be nice to be like a man and be able to let go of people who are intentionally choosing to hurt you by the things they choose to say about you, even if they are true.
It is a fact that gossip can be so damaging it can change one's life forever or even lead one to thoughts of ending their lives. It destroys the person's ability to trust when they are the one being talked about to others. It also can create a desire to not tell others things that otherwise they would share because they know that the information would only be used to further hurt or embarrass them.
The reality is gossip leaves a very ugly, painful trail and it can never be undone. It is something that spreads through each person that repeats it and eventually it makes it way back to the person being talked about. I have watched it happen to people I know and have seen it change them permanently. I have found it interesting that being a part of the religious culture I am, it is almost seen as a right to discuss other people's personal lives because they claim they are only trying to "help". In church we talk often of the 99 and the one and how important it is to go after the one. My experience, however, is that people find it much more interesting to talk about the one, rather than praying for them or reaching out with love, thus ensuring that they never have a desire to be a part of the 99 again.
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