EVER READY

I want to express my gratitude to my Heavenly Father today.  I am grateful to Him for my life and the experiences I have had that have taught me what is important and what is not.  I am grateful to Him for the great challenges I have faced for they have taught me more about compassion, forgiveness and hope. I am filled with love for Him and His never ending love for me.  He is the one who has given me the strength and the courage to face another day.  He has opened my mind and heart to the reality of new beginnings and the hope that He has to offer to every single one of His children.  There isn't a soul on this earth who is not under His watchful eye.  He loves us all. I know there are times when we feel like He has forgotten we exist.  I know that some people have felt this way most of their life. It is hard to feel He loves us at different times in our lives, but the truth is there is never one single moment that He forgets about us or stops loving us.  He doesn't stop to consider whether He still loves us or not. Remember:

HE IS LOVE.

There are many who are struggling and who feel alone right now.  Believe that you are never alone and that your Father in Heaven is there to talk to and to help you.  If you cannot believe this, talk to someone who does believe it. Do not believe He does not exist. Do not believe that He is not there for you.  Never give up.  Heavenly Father does not want you to believe He does not love you even if you feel like that's true. Try to remember times when you have felt His love or felt like He was aware of you.  Write those times down and read it everyday.  Remember that those type of moments will come again and wait for them to come.  Always hold on for another day.  You will see the sun again and you will be able to smile again.  There is always hope in Him because His love is consistent and never ending.  Remember that your life matters and that you are the only you there will ever be. 

Remember:

HE IS EVER READY TO HELP.

If we can hold onto to the truths that He is love and He is ever ready to help us we will be able to get through the days that seem to last forever and the challenges that bring us to our knees.  I am grateful to Him for being who He is and for standing by me.  I have never missed a day of prayer as long as I can remember and I hope that He knows that I love Him and I am grateful for Him. I also hope that anyone who reads this and is deeply struggling will remember that He does really love you and He truly does want to help you, even if you cannot feel it at all right now. 

Please remember:

HE LOVES YOU 

AND

HE IS EVER READY TO HELP YOU

AND

THAT 

IS

THE 

TRUTH!

Present in the Good and Bad

 Let's face it,  it's human nature to back away from people who are struggling, especially if you think their struggles are their own fault.  We like being around people who are successful, well-liked or seemingly 'important'; not people who have seemingly failed in life or haven't become what we think they should have. We have to be consistently reminded to be kind, loving, forgiving and non-judgmental because honestly, we aren't that great at it naturally. Well, at least most of us aren't. 

It's the people that are naturally good at it that make the rest of us look bad. You may know one or more of them; they assume the best in others, don't say bad things about anyone and would give the shirt off their back to a complete stranger. They truly mourn with those that mourn and care deeply about others. You want to be around them because they feel safe and you know they truly want what is best for you. 

The people I know like this I can count on one hand and I feel like I am richly blessed to know them. They are the people who have helped me maintain my belief that God truly does love me because if they can know me and still love me, I can only imagine a perfect God who loves me so much more.  Most importantly though, they remind me what God sees in me:

POTENTIAL.GOODNESS. LOVE. PURPOSE. WORTH. 

So, thank you to those who are there for me right now and have been in the past. I will never forget you as my life continues to get better. I can't wait to have you there in my successes as you have been in the trenches with me and not climbed out, turned away or just given up on me. Thank you for assuming the best in me, for responding to me when I have needed you and for just being there. Most importantly, 

Thank you for being present in the good and bad. There is much good to come and I cannot wait to share it with you!

It Really is Quite Simple

Yesterday when I was reading the Bible I came across this story in Matthew 18:

A servant who is in a lot of debt is brought before the king and the king decides he is going to sell the servant, his wife, his children and all he has in order for the debt to be paid. Of course (like any of us would do) the servant falls to the floor and  begs for the king to be patient with him, pleading for time to pay his debt.  The king is moved with compassion and decides to forgive the servant of all of his debt and let him go. Impressive indeed. This, however, is not so impressive.....

The servant doesn't run home and tell his wife and kids the good news. Apparently, he wasn't feeling the love and instead of being grateful and celebrating this burden being lifted off his shoulders, he leaves to go find a fellow servant that owes him money.  He grabs his fellow servant by the throat and says to him: "Pay me what you owe me!" The fellow servant falls to the ground (a familiar scene) and begs for patience and time to pay the debt. Amazingly, the throat gripping servant was in the exact same position less than an hour before, but has obviously forgotten and casts his fellow servant into prison for his unpaid debt.  This news gets back to the king and it doesn't go so well for the servant this second time. The servant, who had been given a clean slate, forgot to extend that which had been extended to him and his clean slate was no longer clean. He would have to pay for his debt after all.

How many of us plead to God for patience, compassion, forgiveness and mercy, yet even within the same hour of that plea do not extend what we desire for ourselves, to others?  I am amazed at how much work I have yet to do.  This story has helped me to recognize that if I do not extend mercy, compassion and forgiveness to others, I should not expect it to be extended to me.  It really is quite simple.

I Know He's in There

I have a family member who has been stuck in a self-destructive cycle for most of his life.  So long, in fact, that it's very hard to imagine him ever breaking out of it.  I can't imagine it because it's all I've ever experienced with him.  I realize that my experience with him is minuscule compared to God's experience with him.  I wonder: Who was he before he came here?  What was he like?  What did he hope for and desire?

The truth is I find myself going between anger and sadness in relation to him.  I'm just human and I can't see him like God does.  I can't remember what he was like before he came here, so I naturally base all that I feel about him on my earthly experiences with him.  I have very few good memories with him when I was younger.  As I grew up, they became almost non-existent and there aren't a lot to recall now. The truth is, it's hard to even like him sometimes now. Having said that though, I believe there is someone in there that I knew before this life and I have no doubt that I liked him.  I know this because I have seen who he can be before addiction took over his life.

I think there is a lot to be said about looking for the good in others and that's because there is more to us than what is seen in our lives here on earth.  This life isn't our beginning nor is it our ending.  It's somewhere in between and there are many things in this life that can mask the person we really are.  I believe our soul is who we really are.  Our soul is us without our "story."  We all had the same beginning before this life, but it's not true here on earth.  We aren't all loved the same as we were before this life and we aren't all given the same opportunities here either. That is why I believe we are taught not to judge, because there is so much more to every person than we know. They have a beginning with Heavenly parents who loved them deeply and still do. There is divinity within everyone of us, but it can be a challenge to see that in others. We all seem so....human.  It's hard to see past that.

Right now, I realize that I can't see my drug addicted family member the way God does. All I can do is pray for help to do so and for guidance to know how to help him.  Most importantly though, I can pray for strength to not judge him and to look for the good in him.  I can do this because even though I can't see him clearly right now,  I know he's in there.

Trust in Him.

Life Lessons Learned

I've learned some important lessons over the past several years. I am deeply grateful for what I have learned and the fact that my eyes have been opened to see others in a way I didn't see them before. What an amazing gift I have been given which I can carry with me for the rest of my life.

One important lesson I have learned is that good and bad can coexist in people at the same time. Of course there are some extremely evil people out there, who we would be hard pressed to find any good, but most people are a mixed bag of good and bad. When we come to accept this truth, we allow ourselves and others the ability to make mistakes, repent and work to do better. We don't view them as people who have nothing good to offer or who should never be given a second chance. This is critical to remember, especially when it comes to forgiving ourselves.

Another important lesson I have learned is that when we judge others we tend to judge them on how we see them behaving, not by their intentions (as we judge ourselves). We may see a mom yelling at her kids in public and judge her as a poor mother, but what we don't see is that she may be going through a difficult divorce, have a sick parent at home, or be out of money with no food left in the cupboard to feed her kids. I believe most people want to be better than they are and that they try to do their best in their given circumstances. We can be so harsh on others when we don't know their full story, it is only human nature to do so. I've learned through my own extreme challenges that it's not my place to judge another. It was so easy to do so before when I was living a life from the perspective of a judge. I was on the bench looking down, gavel in hand, deciding who I should "let go" and who I should not. Thank you for placing me at the mercy of the judge, Lord. Thank You for this new perspective. Thank You for letting me see how much we really are all alike and how important each one of us are to You. And thank You for allowing me to get a glimpse of how You view Your children and how we, as humans, fall so very short of seeing one another as You do.

I've realized how very grateful I am for the life I have been given by God. I'm grateful for the very difficult people in my life, who have hurt me extensively. For those who were trying to protect themselves right along side me; for those who befriended me along the way; for those who have been kind to me for no particular reason; for those who have judged me and condemned me without a full understanding of what I have been through; for those who have completely ignored me as though I don't even exist; and for those, especially, who have extended their love and friendship to me. Thank you to each and everyone of you, for each of you have taught me things that have opened my eyes to human nature and the many strengths and weaknesses that are inherently attached to it. Each response from others to me, to my life and to my family has taught me something, even if it has been painful and difficult to bear. I accept all of it and will take every experience to turn to my own good.

I have learned that forgiveness is always the right answer, no matter how much a person has hurt us. Forgiveness is for us, to help us heal and live a full life. I know that I have hurt people in my life, but having said that I sincerely know this as well; I have never intentionally tried to hurt anyone. Any pain or hurt I have caused has been through my own weakness and pain. I have never had any desire to inflict harm or pain on another human being and this I can sincerely say without a doubt. Not only have I not had any desire to hurt another person, I have always been the type of person to try and make things better for everyone around me, even to my own detriment. I've learned a lot about myself and others through their treatment of me. I know that through all of these experiences I have become the person I am today. Having struggled with deep feelings of self doubt and worthlessness, I have learned that I am not the only one who has felt this way and that I can be a hand that lifts and heals another.

I'm so grateful that God knows my heart and has throughout my entire life. I'm grateful that He can see the person that I really am and that He responds to me in my time of need. I know that He has answered my prayers and that He is the one leading me forward. I know that I was brought to this point in my life to be able to see and understand that which I did not see before. And,I know that I will do all that I can now to become the person God intends for me to be and to show Him that I have learned the important lessons I needed to learn through all the life experiences He has given me.

A Sack of Cookie Crumbs

Yesterday was an interesting day. I took my two oldest children to visit their Oma and Opa and drop off their Christmas gifts. They opened their gifts and then we sat and talked with them for a while. We learned some very interesting things about Oma's life as a child. She grew up in Germany during WW2 and told us some of her experiences.

Oma's family was bombed out twice during that war. The first time they were able to get another apartment, but when they were bombed out the second time, her family had to move in with her grandparents. They lived in a one bedroom apartment so her family had to live in the family room. A week after this happened, the war ended. The POW's in town were released and they emptied out all of the grocery stores. From that time,it would be six months of being hungry everyday with only one meal a day if there were lucky. They used to go to different bakeries and stand in line all night long. They never knew which bakery would get flour to make bread that day so she went with her mother to one bakery and her father went to another one across town. If they were in line all night they would get a half a loaf of bread in the morning if that bakery got flour that day. Sometimes one of them would get a half a loaf and sometimes both would. She would then get one slice of bread to eat that day. She used to ask her mom why her dad got two slices and she only got one and her mom told her because he needed to work and she could rest.

During that very difficult time she talked about how other people would reach out to help them when they could. There was a cookie factory close by their town and every night they swept the floor for cookie crumbs and put them in a sack. When the sack was full a farmer (that her dad did some work for) would go and pick it up to feed to his pigs. When the farmer found out they had no food, he gave them the sack and said to eat the good pieces that weren't too dirty. For almost two weeks she lived on cookie crumbs and said they tasted really good.

These stories were hard for me to hear, but also made me realize how quickly things can change overnight. It was basically overnight that her family went from having food to having nothing. The iron factory where her father worked was bombed as well as their home and so immediately they lost everything, including employment. When the grocery stores were emptied, the only food to be had was what they had in their home or what others would give to them. She talked about how important food storage is to her and I can only imagine after experiencing 6 months of being hungry all the time, how storing food would be on her priority list. I was grateful to hear her story and to learn more about her life as a child. As a mother, I can't imagine how painful it would be to watch your children go hungry everyday and have no idea when it will end. Throughout the telling of her story, she would mention how there is a basic goodness in people as others would share what little food they had with her family during that difficult time. I was grateful to have my two oldest children with me to hear these experiences and to learn from them. You never know what people have been through and why they do the things they do. I understand Oma better than I did before and appreciate her for who she is more than ever. I believe I will always look at cookie crumbs in a different way now...how could I not?