Not too long ago, I found out about a non-profit organization called Beauty Redefined that is run by two sisters, Lexie Kite and Lindsay Kite, (who are identical twins) and have their PhDs in the study of media and body image from the University of Utah. I was immediately interested in their organization and the message they were sharing with others. For years I have believed many of the things that they are advocating, so last night I took my fiance, David, along with me to a presentation given by Lexie Kite. Only women were invited to this presentation so I have to say that I was very impressed that David was willing to come with me! After we listened to Lexie present her message, I felt the desire (more than ever before) to get this message out to women so they can recognize and truly know that they are not defined by their body and how it looks on any particular day. My goal is to learn as much as I can from these two amazing women and share it. I am hoping that others will do the same as well.
At this presentation, Lexie talked about the way the media distorts reality, making us think that the women on the magazines really look that way in real life. It is a lie. They are photoshopped and airbrushed like crazy. She also talked about how a large percentage of women feel negatively about their bodies because of the messages we are sent from the media and how women go to extremes to alter their bodies; especially after having a baby or two (or in Utah, three or four and up). Not only that, in Utah, we have the largest number of plastic surgeries and surgeons per capita. "Mommy makeovers" are heavily advertised here and women are literally buying the idea that after they have children, their bodies are no longer acceptable and they need to "get their bodies back" no matter the high cost financially, physically and emotionally.
Having had children myself and being very familiar with how childbirth and nursing change a woman's body, I can honestly say that I have struggled myself to not feel negative about the belly fat I have accumulated after giving birth to my children and with my deflated breasts that were a result of choosing to nurse my children. I have fought those negative feelings for years and I have fought them because deep down I have always felt strongly that women need to trust and know that their body does not define them. That having a child is a miraculous experience and the way they look after having a child is exactly how they are supposed to look. That they aren't supposed to look like they did before having children because something happened....something miraculous! It is a sign that they have sacrificed and given life to another human being. Why have we believed the lies about how we should look after having children? Our society goes to extremes to send messages that if we are not thin with the right size and shaped breasts and the right curves in all the right places, we are not beautiful or acceptable and we need to do what it takes in order to become acceptable. So, we implant temporary devices in our bodies and then have to have MRI's every two years to scan for leakages and then top all that off with having to have them replaced every 10 years. And for what? To look beautiful? To feel beautiful? Not only that, many women come to regret the decision to have breast implants and have problems with them for years to come. Also, many women find they are no more happy with their bodies than they were before the breast implants. Why? Because it is an internal issue, not an external issue. We are fighting an internal war because society is telling us daily that we are not enough if we don't look a certain way. But, is that truth? We are told that we need to shave our legs, paint our nails, dye our hair, tweeze our brows, not have wrinkles (ever!), have perky breasts and flat stomachs and we need to maintain this into our old age....we must always do what it takes to look young and never look old! Meanwhile, men are sent the message that they are distinguished looking if they have gray hair. No one hassles them about their wrinkles and many of them have belly fat for no good reason. Yet, women carry babies for 9 months and their stomachs stretch considerably, give birth and also nurse their babies, but the standard for them is to look as if they never had children while taking care of the children everyday in the process. Can we please stop this insanity??
I know the challenge of living in our society is a big one. The eating disorders and the body image issues that we as women struggle with daily are raging out of control. We are not our bodies, we are so much more. We can teach our children to stop believing that girls and women are defined by how their body looks by not talking about our bodies in a negative manner. We can teach them that our bodies are a gift, that we can and should take care of them, but they do not have to be altered to be acceptable or beautiful. That beauty is something that comes from within, not through our physical appearance. Let's stop focusing on our perceived faults with our bodies. I can view my belly fat as a reminder that I have beautiful children that I was deeply blessed to give birth to, to nurse and to be able to create a bond. Would I trade my before baby body for my after baby body by giving all those experiences up? Not a chance. I can teach my children that my body after having children is exactly how it is suppose to be and it is OK. I can believe that I am no less of a woman because I don't look like I did when I was 20. It's OK to get older. It's OK to have wrinkles around my eyes and it's OK that I don't weigh my pre pregnancy weight anymore. I am acceptable and I can even say that I am more than acceptable, I am beautiful to my fiance, who loves me for me, for the person that I am and want to be. Let's start believing the truth. Let's start recognizing that we are much more than our bodies and let's live like we believe that. I know it is hard to do, but only we can stop believing the lies by believing the truth first and then living it through our example.
Click here to go to the beauty redefined website.
