It Really is Quite Simple

Yesterday when I was reading the Bible I came across this story in Matthew 18:

A servant who is in a lot of debt is brought before the king and the king decides he is going to sell the servant, his wife, his children and all he has in order for the debt to be paid. Of course (like any of us would do) the servant falls to the floor and  begs for the king to be patient with him, pleading for time to pay his debt.  The king is moved with compassion and decides to forgive the servant of all of his debt and let him go. Impressive indeed. This, however, is not so impressive.....

The servant doesn't run home and tell his wife and kids the good news. Apparently, he wasn't feeling the love and instead of being grateful and celebrating this burden being lifted off his shoulders, he leaves to go find a fellow servant that owes him money.  He grabs his fellow servant by the throat and says to him: "Pay me what you owe me!" The fellow servant falls to the ground (a familiar scene) and begs for patience and time to pay the debt. Amazingly, the throat gripping servant was in the exact same position less than an hour before, but has obviously forgotten and casts his fellow servant into prison for his unpaid debt.  This news gets back to the king and it doesn't go so well for the servant this second time. The servant, who had been given a clean slate, forgot to extend that which had been extended to him and his clean slate was no longer clean. He would have to pay for his debt after all.

How many of us plead to God for patience, compassion, forgiveness and mercy, yet even within the same hour of that plea do not extend what we desire for ourselves, to others?  I am amazed at how much work I have yet to do.  This story has helped me to recognize that if I do not extend mercy, compassion and forgiveness to others, I should not expect it to be extended to me.  It really is quite simple.

I Know He's in There

I have a family member who has been stuck in a self-destructive cycle for most of his life.  So long, in fact, that it's very hard to imagine him ever breaking out of it.  I can't imagine it because it's all I've ever experienced with him.  I realize that my experience with him is minuscule compared to God's experience with him.  I wonder: Who was he before he came here?  What was he like?  What did he hope for and desire?

The truth is I find myself going between anger and sadness in relation to him.  I'm just human and I can't see him like God does.  I can't remember what he was like before he came here, so I naturally base all that I feel about him on my earthly experiences with him.  I have very few good memories with him when I was younger.  As I grew up, they became almost non-existent and there aren't a lot to recall now. The truth is, it's hard to even like him sometimes now. Having said that though, I believe there is someone in there that I knew before this life and I have no doubt that I liked him.  I know this because I have seen who he can be before addiction took over his life.

I think there is a lot to be said about looking for the good in others and that's because there is more to us than what is seen in our lives here on earth.  This life isn't our beginning nor is it our ending.  It's somewhere in between and there are many things in this life that can mask the person we really are.  I believe our soul is who we really are.  Our soul is us without our "story."  We all had the same beginning before this life, but it's not true here on earth.  We aren't all loved the same as we were before this life and we aren't all given the same opportunities here either. That is why I believe we are taught not to judge, because there is so much more to every person than we know. They have a beginning with Heavenly parents who loved them deeply and still do. There is divinity within everyone of us, but it can be a challenge to see that in others. We all seem so....human.  It's hard to see past that.

Right now, I realize that I can't see my drug addicted family member the way God does. All I can do is pray for help to do so and for guidance to know how to help him.  Most importantly though, I can pray for strength to not judge him and to look for the good in him.  I can do this because even though I can't see him clearly right now,  I know he's in there.

Trust in Him.

Life Lessons Learned

I've learned some important lessons over the past several years. I am deeply grateful for what I have learned and the fact that my eyes have been opened to see others in a way I didn't see them before. What an amazing gift I have been given which I can carry with me for the rest of my life.

One important lesson I have learned is that good and bad can coexist in people at the same time. Of course there are some extremely evil people out there, who we would be hard pressed to find any good, but most people are a mixed bag of good and bad. When we come to accept this truth, we allow ourselves and others the ability to make mistakes, repent and work to do better. We don't view them as people who have nothing good to offer or who should never be given a second chance. This is critical to remember, especially when it comes to forgiving ourselves.

Another important lesson I have learned is that when we judge others we tend to judge them on how we see them behaving, not by their intentions (as we judge ourselves). We may see a mom yelling at her kids in public and judge her as a poor mother, but what we don't see is that she may be going through a difficult divorce, have a sick parent at home, or be out of money with no food left in the cupboard to feed her kids. I believe most people want to be better than they are and that they try to do their best in their given circumstances. We can be so harsh on others when we don't know their full story, it is only human nature to do so. I've learned through my own extreme challenges that it's not my place to judge another. It was so easy to do so before when I was living a life from the perspective of a judge. I was on the bench looking down, gavel in hand, deciding who I should "let go" and who I should not. Thank you for placing me at the mercy of the judge, Lord. Thank You for this new perspective. Thank You for letting me see how much we really are all alike and how important each one of us are to You. And thank You for allowing me to get a glimpse of how You view Your children and how we, as humans, fall so very short of seeing one another as You do.

I've realized how very grateful I am for the life I have been given by God. I'm grateful for the very difficult people in my life, who have hurt me extensively. For those who were trying to protect themselves right along side me; for those who befriended me along the way; for those who have been kind to me for no particular reason; for those who have judged me and condemned me without a full understanding of what I have been through; for those who have completely ignored me as though I don't even exist; and for those, especially, who have extended their love and friendship to me. Thank you to each and everyone of you, for each of you have taught me things that have opened my eyes to human nature and the many strengths and weaknesses that are inherently attached to it. Each response from others to me, to my life and to my family has taught me something, even if it has been painful and difficult to bear. I accept all of it and will take every experience to turn to my own good.

I have learned that forgiveness is always the right answer, no matter how much a person has hurt us. Forgiveness is for us, to help us heal and live a full life. I know that I have hurt people in my life, but having said that I sincerely know this as well; I have never intentionally tried to hurt anyone. Any pain or hurt I have caused has been through my own weakness and pain. I have never had any desire to inflict harm or pain on another human being and this I can sincerely say without a doubt. Not only have I not had any desire to hurt another person, I have always been the type of person to try and make things better for everyone around me, even to my own detriment. I've learned a lot about myself and others through their treatment of me. I know that through all of these experiences I have become the person I am today. Having struggled with deep feelings of self doubt and worthlessness, I have learned that I am not the only one who has felt this way and that I can be a hand that lifts and heals another.

I'm so grateful that God knows my heart and has throughout my entire life. I'm grateful that He can see the person that I really am and that He responds to me in my time of need. I know that He has answered my prayers and that He is the one leading me forward. I know that I was brought to this point in my life to be able to see and understand that which I did not see before. And,I know that I will do all that I can now to become the person God intends for me to be and to show Him that I have learned the important lessons I needed to learn through all the life experiences He has given me.