A Mom's Heart

There is no perfect mom. But there are good moms. They are the moms who are trying. Who show up. Who stay up. Who lose sleep. Who make all the difference. Those are the moms I want to talk about. Everyday their hearts are pulled in many different directions. And they have to manage all of those feelings while getting everything else done. Being a good mom is one of the hardest things that a woman does. And I think it is hard mostly because of the change that takes place in their hearts once they become a mom. Having a mom's heart can feel impossible. It can hurt with no end in sight. It can feel stretched to its very capacity. It can feel things that shouldn't have to be felt.

I want to tell my mom friends that you are not alone. I feel with you. Your heart is sacred and tender. What you feel matters. What you feel is valid. What you feel is because you are a good mom. And being a good mom means you get to feel it...all of it. It means you lose a lot of sleep. It means you are tired. It means you get to feel things that bring you joy and sorrow. You get to see it. You get to feel it. You get to live it. Your heart is well used. It was meant to be that way. Thank you for being a good mom and an incredible example to me.

Beauty Unraveled

Not too long ago, I found out about a non-profit organization called Beauty Redefined that is run by two sisters, Lexie Kite and Lindsay Kite, (who are identical twins) and have their PhDs in the study of media and body image from the University of Utah. I was immediately interested in their organization and the message they were sharing with others. For years I have believed many of the things that they are advocating, so last night I took my fiance, David, along with me to a presentation given by Lexie Kite. Only women were invited to this presentation so I have to say that I was very impressed that David was willing to come with me! After we listened to Lexie present her message, I felt the desire (more than ever before) to get this message out to women so they can recognize and truly know that they are not defined by their body and how it looks on any particular day. My goal is to learn as much as I can from these two amazing women and share it. I am hoping that others will do the same as well.

At this presentation, Lexie talked about the way the media distorts reality, making us think that the women on the magazines really look that way in real life. It is a lie. They are photoshopped and airbrushed like crazy. She also talked about how a large percentage of women feel negatively about their bodies because of the messages we are sent from the media and how women go to extremes to alter their bodies; especially after having a baby or two (or in Utah, three or four and up). Not only that, in Utah, we have the largest number of plastic surgeries and surgeons per capita. "Mommy makeovers" are heavily advertised here and women are literally buying the idea that after they have children, their bodies are no longer acceptable and they need to "get their bodies back" no matter the high cost financially, physically and emotionally.

Having had children myself and being very familiar with how childbirth and nursing change a woman's body, I can honestly say that I have struggled myself to not feel negative about the belly fat I have accumulated after giving birth to my children and with my deflated breasts that were a result of choosing to nurse my children. I have fought those negative feelings for years and I have fought them because deep down I have always felt strongly that women need to trust and know that their body does not define them. That having a child is a miraculous experience and the way they look after having a child is exactly how they are supposed to look. That they aren't supposed to look like they did before having children because something happened....something miraculous! It is a sign that they have sacrificed and given life to another human being. Why have we believed the lies about how we should look after having children? Our society goes to extremes to send messages that if we are not thin with the right size and shaped breasts and the right curves in all the right places, we are not beautiful or acceptable and we need to do what it takes in order to become acceptable. So, we implant temporary devices in our bodies and then have to have MRI's every two years to scan for leakages and then top all that off with having to have them replaced every 10 years. And for what? To look beautiful? To feel beautiful? Not only that, many women come to regret the decision to have breast implants and have problems with them for years to come. Also, many women find they are no more happy with their bodies than they were before the breast implants. Why? Because it is an internal issue, not an external issue. We are fighting an internal war because society is telling us daily that we are not enough if we don't look a certain way. But, is that truth? We are told that we need to shave our legs, paint our nails, dye our hair, tweeze our brows, not have wrinkles (ever!), have perky breasts and flat stomachs and we need to maintain this into our old age....we must always do what it takes to look young and never look old! Meanwhile, men are sent the message that they are distinguished looking if they have gray hair. No one hassles them about their wrinkles and many of them have belly fat for no good reason. Yet, women carry babies for 9 months and their stomachs stretch considerably, give birth and also nurse their babies, but the standard for them is to look as if they never had children while taking care of the children everyday in the process. Can we please stop this insanity??

I know the challenge of living in our society is a big one. The eating disorders and the body image issues that we as women struggle with daily are raging out of control. We are not our bodies, we are so much more. We can teach our children to stop believing that girls and women are defined by how their body looks by not talking about our bodies in a negative manner. We can teach them that our bodies are a gift, that we can and should take care of them, but they do not have to be altered to be acceptable or beautiful. That beauty is something that comes from within, not through our physical appearance. Let's stop focusing on our perceived faults with our bodies. I can view my belly fat as a reminder that I have beautiful children that I was deeply blessed to give birth to, to nurse and to be able to create a bond. Would I trade my before baby body for my after baby body by giving all those experiences up? Not a chance. I can teach my children that my body after having children is exactly how it is suppose to be and it is OK. I can believe that I am no less of a woman because I don't look like I did when I was 20. It's OK to get older. It's OK to have wrinkles around my eyes and it's OK that I don't weigh my pre pregnancy weight anymore. I am acceptable and I can even say that I am more than acceptable, I am beautiful to my fiance, who loves me for me, for the person that I am and want to be. Let's start believing the truth. Let's start recognizing that we are much more than our bodies and let's live like we believe that. I know it is hard to do, but only we can stop believing the lies by believing the truth first and then living it through our example.

Click here to go to the beauty redefined website.

Am I Grateful?

Lately, this scripture has been on my mind and one that I've read daily.  "And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things you do receive."  (Alma 7:23)   In reference to the end of this scripture, I've asked myself this question:  "Do I give thanks unto God for what I receive?" The answer is yes and no.  It's not that I don't ever say thank you, it's that I don't say thank you nearly enough. 

I love to take photos.  I took a lot of photos before digital cameras came out and have boxes of photos to prove it.  I began to study and learn more about photography over the past few years and started taking a lot of photos at music and dance performances involving my children. Once I learned how to shoot a good photo of a musician or dancer in a dark setting without a flash, I fell in love with shooting concert/action photos. I have taken thousands of photos over the past few years.  Having danced a lot in my youth, I only have a handful of photos of myself dancing and wish I had more to remember those times. I love sharing photos with others so they can have those memories. I have spent many hours shooting, editing and posting photos.  I've never officially started a photography business, but decided to create a photography page on Facebook so that I can easily share the photos I take with others.  Throughout this whole process, I've had several people come up to me or comment on my page saying thank you for the photos. Their gratitude has meant a lot to me. The way they made me feel makes me think about the way it must make our Father in Heaven feel when we thank Him.  He does more for us than we can even comprehend. I think we miss the majority of things He does for us because we just don't see it.  When we do stop to take time and thank Him though, our eyes begin to open.  I want to be someone who remembers to say thank you everyday.  I know how it feels when someone says thank you and I want my Heavenly Father to know I am a grateful daughter.  I want Him to know I love Him. I want to read the scripture above and be able to say "YES!" I always return thanks unto God for whatsoever I receive. 

If you have suggestions or ideas on how to help me remember to be more grateful and to see the things I miss please share your thoughts.  Oh, and thank you in advance! :)

45 Years Today - A Birthday Wish

You're 45 today. This journey has not been what you expected when you started out on it many years ago, but you have made it through. You are still here.  You have not given up. It's not because you haven't felt like giving up. Your wounds run deep and you have suffered many losses. But you desire to be healed. You want to live and you want your dreams to come true. May this year be a time of healing for you. May your dreams come true and may you have the best year of your life yet.  Happy Birthday. 

Larger Than Life - Marvell Smith

Yesterday, my morning was going along just fine until I decided to sit down and log onto Facebook. That's when I saw it. A post telling me that Marvell Smith had died in a motorcycle accident. NO! It could NOT BE! My heart sank and shock and sadness hit me immediately. I had just been talking with him a week ago and had been thinking about getting back to him this week to talk more about photography.  It was unbelievable to me that he was gone, just like that.  I instantly felt a great loss.

As I read the post on Facebook, it was evident that Marvell had an incredible effect on many people.  Comments of love and support were pouring in.  What was it about him that made him so well loved?  I've thought about it and realized that it was his ability to make any person he was talking to feel important.  He always responded when I talked to him and he never ignored me or made me feel like I was less than.  Very few people have this gift.  Marvell had a lot to offer because of his incredible talent and he could have easily pushed people aside, but it wasn't his nature.  I told him I wanted to learn more about his style of photography and he invited me to come shoot with him.  I now regret that I never stopped to take the time to actually do it.  He was always extending his help to others and willing to teach others everything he knew.  It's not something you typically find in such an accomplished person and it made a deep impact on all those who knew him.

I want to express my gratitude to Marvell for making me feel important and for offering to help me even though he was so busy. He saw and felt things that many of us miss. He saw the details in life. He saw emotion and feeling. He saw people. We are literally left without his vision and there is a loss that is indescribable. Who will see what he saw?  There is no other like him.  Maybe that is the beauty of life though. We come, we go.  We leave our mark.  I am so grateful for the mark Marvell has left behind. I have decided to try and be more like him. To love without condition and to give without concern of receiving anything back.  To really see others and to pay attention to each one of them as he did. What a great example he has left for so many.

Marvell, I'm sure that you were welcomed with open arms on the other side of the veil. The empty arms you have left here will ache, but your loving memory will soothe and comfort those aching arms until we all meet again. May you know how loved you are and may God bless you and your family.

EVER READY

I want to express my gratitude to my Heavenly Father today.  I am grateful to Him for my life and the experiences I have had that have taught me what is important and what is not.  I am grateful to Him for the great challenges I have faced for they have taught me more about compassion, forgiveness and hope. I am filled with love for Him and His never ending love for me.  He is the one who has given me the strength and the courage to face another day.  He has opened my mind and heart to the reality of new beginnings and the hope that He has to offer to every single one of His children.  There isn't a soul on this earth who is not under His watchful eye.  He loves us all. I know there are times when we feel like He has forgotten we exist.  I know that some people have felt this way most of their life. It is hard to feel He loves us at different times in our lives, but the truth is there is never one single moment that He forgets about us or stops loving us.  He doesn't stop to consider whether He still loves us or not. Remember:

HE IS LOVE.

There are many who are struggling and who feel alone right now.  Believe that you are never alone and that your Father in Heaven is there to talk to and to help you.  If you cannot believe this, talk to someone who does believe it. Do not believe He does not exist. Do not believe that He is not there for you.  Never give up.  Heavenly Father does not want you to believe He does not love you even if you feel like that's true. Try to remember times when you have felt His love or felt like He was aware of you.  Write those times down and read it everyday.  Remember that those type of moments will come again and wait for them to come.  Always hold on for another day.  You will see the sun again and you will be able to smile again.  There is always hope in Him because His love is consistent and never ending.  Remember that your life matters and that you are the only you there will ever be. 

Remember:

HE IS EVER READY TO HELP.

If we can hold onto to the truths that He is love and He is ever ready to help us we will be able to get through the days that seem to last forever and the challenges that bring us to our knees.  I am grateful to Him for being who He is and for standing by me.  I have never missed a day of prayer as long as I can remember and I hope that He knows that I love Him and I am grateful for Him. I also hope that anyone who reads this and is deeply struggling will remember that He does really love you and He truly does want to help you, even if you cannot feel it at all right now. 

Please remember:

HE LOVES YOU 

AND

HE IS EVER READY TO HELP YOU

AND

THAT 

IS

THE 

TRUTH!

Present in the Good and Bad

 Let's face it,  it's human nature to back away from people who are struggling, especially if you think their struggles are their own fault.  We like being around people who are successful, well-liked or seemingly 'important'; not people who have seemingly failed in life or haven't become what we think they should have. We have to be consistently reminded to be kind, loving, forgiving and non-judgmental because honestly, we aren't that great at it naturally. Well, at least most of us aren't. 

It's the people that are naturally good at it that make the rest of us look bad. You may know one or more of them; they assume the best in others, don't say bad things about anyone and would give the shirt off their back to a complete stranger. They truly mourn with those that mourn and care deeply about others. You want to be around them because they feel safe and you know they truly want what is best for you. 

The people I know like this I can count on one hand and I feel like I am richly blessed to know them. They are the people who have helped me maintain my belief that God truly does love me because if they can know me and still love me, I can only imagine a perfect God who loves me so much more.  Most importantly though, they remind me what God sees in me:

POTENTIAL.GOODNESS. LOVE. PURPOSE. WORTH. 

So, thank you to those who are there for me right now and have been in the past. I will never forget you as my life continues to get better. I can't wait to have you there in my successes as you have been in the trenches with me and not climbed out, turned away or just given up on me. Thank you for assuming the best in me, for responding to me when I have needed you and for just being there. Most importantly, 

Thank you for being present in the good and bad. There is much good to come and I cannot wait to share it with you!